THE CAST

Paperdollie

Dollie is her given name, but she is 
called Paperdollie "because she feels so 
worthless." A goth in the making,
Paperdollie has a rather, um, unique 
view on the world, one that always 
disturbs the adults around her and 
usually gets her into trouble with 
somebody. She is not very popular 
in school, but the kids refrain 
from picking on her as they are 
a little offput and frightened by 
her rather morbid and strange ways. 
She is frequently in horrifically 
dangerous situations which she always 
escapes strangely enough in part 
because of her naivete, and also 
because she is so damned stubborn. 

Paperdollie's Mom

A suffering soul who really tries 
hard to be a good mom, but just 
doesn't have the money to pull it 
off. It's difficult to be a single 
mom with two kids on a Malwart 
salary. She is frequently victim 
to Paperdollie's attempts to help, 
which usually end up resulting in 
her having to appear in court, pay 
thousands in fines, or having to 
work weekends for the rest of her 
life at Malwart to pay for 
Paperdollie's blunders. She 
speaks her mind about things she 
shouldn't thinking that Paperdollie 
won't get it...but Paperdollie 
never misses a single word. :)

Paperdollie's Dad

Vietnam vet and ne'er do well, 
Paperdollie's dad might make the 
occasional appearance, but not very 
often as he doens't care about providing 
anything other than the occaional check 
to Paperdollie's mom, usually on court 
order. Still, on occasion he has a few 
words of wisdom to provide or complaint 
to make. 

Dillon 

The uber-cool, cute, worldly, 
smooth-talking, guitar-playing, 
bespectacled boy that Paperdollie 
adores. There is more to this cheeky 
lad than meets the eye however...for 
his father is a powerful demon who 
has evil plans of world domination. 
Though Paperdollie would follow 
Dillon to the ends of the earth, he 
ends up dumping her for the class's dumb 
blonde slut, Jennifer. Well, Dillon does 
have a thing for breasts and well, 
Paperdollie doesn't have any. 
 
Dillon's Dad

You think YOU have the dad from hell...
Dillon actually does! Bent on world 
domination, Dillon's dad frequently uses 
his son as a pawn to achieve his evil 
ends. Although he is an evil bastard, 
he is actually a good father who 
loves his son, well, if demons can 
love. :P Dillon has a mouth on him and 
to be a good dad, demondaddy will turn 
Dillon into something humiliating and 
penis-related as a punishment. But 
a lot of his doing this is simply for 
his own sadistic amusement. 

Jennifer

The stupid blonde slut that Paperdollie 
detests because she stole her boyfriend 
and she gets all the valentines. So, she 
gets even with her...in a very disturbing 
way involving a naughty book she finds in 
mommie's nightstand. However as she finds 
out later, her little plan backfires.

Emily

The angelic little sister of Paperdollie. 
She is blonde and cute and can do no wrong. 
She is her parents' clearcut favorite. 
Paperdollie resents this, but not enough
to change her naughty ways. 

Mr. Mushi

A Japanese pedophile who hangs out in 
anime chatrooms to lure little girls to 
dance in front of webcams in their frilly 
little panties. He promises Paperdollie the 
entire series of Sailor Moon on DVD in 
exchange for her entire collection of 
underwear. Paperdollie sends her panties 
as promised, but the box with the 
DVDs never arrives. She is punished for 
losing her undies by getting no supper. 
However, Paperdollie has a plan...

Mr. Hamilton

A good-natured but dim-witted trucker from 
Kansas. He hasn't been laid in approximately 
2 years, 3 months, 48 days, 23 hours, 16 
minutes and 28 seconds. 29, 30, 31. He 
works two trucking jobs in order to feed his 
kids and unappreciative wife, who spends 
the entire day in her bathrobe, smoking and 
watching Jerry Springer.

Mrs. Hamilton

A coarse, mean and ugly housewife from the 
farming states that won't work, won't put 
out and won't shut up. She uses swearwords 
liberally no matter who is around and is 
constantly talking on the phone to her 
internet lover from Europe while Mr. 
Hamilton slaves to pay her phone bill. 
Her house is a sty, she is an eyesore, 
and she is altogether a disgusting and 
hateable person. 

Dude

A smart and slick car-loving guy that has a 
special way with the ladies. He is like a 
tumbleweed and is always on the move in his 
little red sportscar. A little dim-witted 
at times, but inherently clever and charming.

Suzy Rainbow

A free-spirited, backpacking hippie girl 
who spends all her time traveling the 
country rather than working to pay her 
creditors, which harrass her constantly 
on her cellphone. She is very disorganized 
and has bills falling out of her backpack 
all the time. Her skirt seems to have 
magical powers as there are always 
things falling out or running out from 
beneath it. 

Molly

Paperdollie's other little sister, well 
at least Paperdollie thinks so. No one 
has the heart to tell her she's only a dead 
fetus, so Paperdollie keeps carrying her 
around until things get REAL ugly. Even 
though Molly's dead, she has a way of 
hypnotizing Paperdollie to avenge her 
untimely death.

Mr. Hacker

The local neighborhood butcher who has some 
serious mental problems. But there is not a 
single stray cat in the neighborhood.

Mrs. Hacker

Smiles to your face but has a tongue like 
a machete. Even though she is only 5'1" 
and 95 pounds, Mr. Hacker is terrified 
of her. She constantly manipulates Mr. 
Hacker by withholding sex or threatening to 
leave. Since he is an ugly bastard an knows 
he probably would never get laid ever 
again, he'll usually do whatever she says. 
On the plus side, she is nice to the 
neighborhood kids and is always baking 
them brownies.

Dog

Paperdollie's Mom's dog whom Paperdollie 
wishes would drop dead because he barks 
all the time. She frequently finds
excuses to hit him on the head with a pan.

Stupid Kittie

Paperdollie's Mom's cat whom Paperdollie 
wishes would drop dead because she meows 
all the time. She also has fleas and 
drools everywhere. The cat hates her too 
and is frequently seen offering means of 
suicide to Paperdollie when she's 
feeling depressed.

Mrs. Harrison

Paperdollie's English teacher who believes 
Paperdollie will grow up to be a crackwhore. 
She hates her job.

Stephen

The dorky nose-picking boy that sits
in front of the class who has an
eternal crush on Paperdollie. This
of course pisses her off to no end.

Glam Sam

The guy that hangs out in front of the 7-11 
begging for spare change. He always sings 
about how much he loves monkeys.

Jack

The child-molesting psychiatrist whom 
Paperdollie detests because he smells funny.

Cupid

None other than the demigod of Love himself,
who appears when Paperdollie sends him
some rather insulting hatemail because
she only got one valentine, from the 
nose-picking, greasy-haired dork, 
Stephen. Though Paperdollie vows to avenge 
him to the death, Cupid has a more 
creative way of exacting his vengeance.

The Mall Santa

The reformed child molester whom 
Paperdollie gets the best of and gets
him sent back to jail. 

Easter Bunny

Well, it's only a regular bunny but
Paperdollie doesn't know that. 

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